The Epic Story

I'm thinking of writing the epic novel. A grand and very moving story about stuff that just moves you. Ok, that didn't sound right, but you get the picture. They'd be strong, bold heroes. Muscular people who are not afraid and rush towards danger like a kid running towards an ice cream truck. Gorgeous, flawless women whose sole purpose is to tempt and stoke the carnal desires of the male audience.

The plot might be something like this. The time is a gazillion BC, long before anyone knew about religeon or any organised, behavioral authority. Success was determined by the ability to conquer and survive. People aligned themselves with the strong who could do anything to expand their sphere of influence. They were kings, no, in fact they were Gods.

So, on the tiny village, somewhere in south Arabia, lived a village under the protection of the mightly overlord Ghahz. That's nice. I like the name Ghahz. He was a mighty, mighty lord from a line of mighty, mighty lords. His father before him had ruled the land with fear and bloodshed. In fact, his father had told him that the only way to keep obedience was to make sure that there was bloodshed in the memory of the people by killing at least one noble person each and every month.

In the village lived a family. A typical south Arabian family. A man and his harem of women (say six to seven) and a few sons and daughters. This man could dip his wick in different honey pots each day of the week. What a life... but I digress.

One of the sons, innocent in his youthfulness, didn't understand the hierarchy. The order that was imposed on them. When Ghahz sent a soldier to come to their home and take his father for execution, he was completely devastated and resolved that he would exact revenge when the time was right. Of course, it didn't help that he was only five years old at the time and would have to grow up. The fact that he may forget the incident when he was mature enough or that Ghahz would be dead isn't an issue in at this part of the plot.

So the son, let's call him Ahmad, grows up to be a handsome, strong, skilled man. His many skills include combat fighting, gymnastics and, of course, horse riding. Horse riding, a noble and much loved sport in south Arabia.

When Ahmad is sixteen years old, he is told by his mother (one of the six or seven concubines of his late father) that he was betrothed to be married to a local girl. The girl's name is Latifah. It's now the right time to get married.

Even though Ahmad has gone through a number of his brother's and sister's weddings, all of them arranged at birth, he's still surprised that this was not mentioned to him till now. Anyway, he knows Latifah since they attend the same school and is not dissapointed. She's really hot and in fact Ahmad cannot believe his luck. He's actually wondering how Latifah is taking the news at her home.

However, Ghahz is looking for fresh kill, so he decided to visit the home of Ahmad again to look for another victim. He's told by spies that Ahmad (now quite popular in the village) could be an appropriate candidate for execution. Ghahz decides not to kill the young boy, but to kill his betrothed spouse instead.

As you can imagine, this absolutely tears the young Ahmad into pieces. He goes insane and curses the name of Ghahz and his whole line. In a fit of anger, he kills Ghahz's messenger and manages to escape town.

Back in the village, Ghahz has really lost it. He orders the death of each of Ahmad's family members till Ahmad is found. He thinks that they've squirreled him off someplace safe. On day one, they execute Ahmad's mother. On day two they execute the oldest concubine, and so on and so forth.

This continues for a whole week till the news reaches Ahmad who decides to return home to face the consequences of his actions. He is immediately imprisoned and an execution date is set.

Now here's the part of the story where things get a bit strange. In the prison, he hooks up with a nubian slave, Mustafa, who also yearns to get out of prison. They plan and plot an escape and manage to execute it successfully. This is the part in the book where I need to be careful about not insulting my readers. They'll know a good escape when they read one. I was thinking of getting Mustafa to make friends with one of the guards who they can later coax into helping them. Perhaps a guard with homosexual tendencies who could be tempted... no, I don't think that I can describe that sort of thing successfully. I'll be railed out by the homo-rights community and shunned. My book will be burnt and censored.

So, they're out, but still angry. Now they have to make sure that they can get to Ghahz and kill him. They will have to capture him and take him somewhere where they can inflict the pain of all the people Ghahz has killed on him. Perhaps by cutting off pieces of his flesh, stripping them off carefully and then searing the open wounds with salty water. Pulling off his teeth and filing the open nerves with splintered wood. Maybe even pulling off each toe nail and then mashing each toe flat with a cast iron sledge hammer. Ideas aplenty.

So, by some ingenuity, they are able to make it into the home of Ghahz. They find him sleeping with four of his favourite concubines (perhaps I can describe the Ghahz evening scene the night before for the single and starving) and manage to whisk him away.

But they run into a complication. All of a sudden, Mustafa does not want to participate in the wanton killing. He actually wants to make Ghahz repent and send him back, perhaps to do good (violins playing). Ahmad cannot believe this. Now he's caught between fighting the man who helped him escape from prison, to kill his enemy. The man who killed his father. Denied him of a parent.

Ghahz, arrogant as ever, does not wimper or beg for his life. This really irks Ahmad because he knows that his father cried out loud for his life and begged to be spared. Ghahz had laughed out loud even when Ahmad's father had soiled himself in humiliation and pain.

But Mustafa agrees to let Ahmad have some revenge as long as he lets Ghahz live so Ahmad tortures him to impotence thereby stopping the bloodline. This is probably too late since Ghahz had a harem full of women who have provided him with plenty offspring so far.

The story continues when they let Ghahz go back to his palace where he immediately sends forces out to look for Ahmad and Mustafa. Of course, they catch up with the unfortunate two and return them to the palace where they will be summarily put to death in the most shameful way.

Such is life. Winners always win, even though it's never fair.