Sunday, May 21, 2006

Running for life, the runner's life

Americans, and that includes Canadians, eh, are health crazy, but you couldn't tell by looking at them. Fitness and health is reserved for a select few, the majority of Canadians, including Americans, duh, are extremely unhealthy. What's up with that?

It's the attitude towards health, coupled with an increasingly sedentary lifestyle, topped off by marketing hypnosis. Marketing lies. So even though it looks as if the majority of us want to live healthy strong lives, we just don't have the will power to do what it takes. We're looking for a shortcut to making our lives healthier and there's an industry out there that's willing to provide all the suggestions we are willing to try, for a price, that is.

I don't ever remember when I actually became interested in exercise. It was probably back in University, watching my waistline grow daily and wondering why I was feeling tired all the time. High school fitness programs were more like a military experience. Nothing I really like to remember except for a few sports that I really enjoyed. However, moving out of the externally managed world of high school, to an independent lifestyle in University, the choice of whether or not to exercise was an easy one.

At the beginning, it was swimming. I was on the high school swim team and so I would go to the campus pool whenever I felt a bit lethargic. However, as studies took precedence, I found that going to the pool was a long and involving journey. There was a lot of planning to do just to get to the pool for a few laps. So, as expected, swimming happened less and less. The waist got bigger and bigger and finally, it really didn't feel all that good going to the pool. I think that I finally became conscious of my body.

So I switched to squash. I'd played a bit in high school and so I knew the rules. I found players who were willing to go to the squash courts a few days a week and that kept me motivated. Once you made an appointment at the squash courts, you could not back off. Leaving someone high and dry waiting for a partner would have been a serious crime. So, gradually, my strength built up and I found myself playing squash about two to three times a week. Swimming started again and I was back to at least five full days of exercise.

Those were the days of youth. The body responded by becoming tighter and stronger. A friend of mine suggested that we go for runs up Mount Royal (yes, I forgot to mention that this was in Montreal). So we started jogging a few days a week and my hatred of running started to abate. I found that I could actually run, with a partner, or without, and not die of exhaustion or shame. High school running was not the same. High school running was a painful nightmare. Imagine, going to a Kenyan high school where most of the kids are excellent runners. Whenever we had cross country running, I would cringe. I couldn't run a few meters before starting to gasp. In hindsight, I think that I was just psychologically defeated. I knew long beforehand that I would be last and this permeated into my core, right down to my muscles.

And so it was during a Friday night drinking episode at the graduate's campus pub that a friend, more like an acquaintance, told me that they were going to run a marathon that Sunday. We talked about running for a while and he told me that he'd been training for months. I was buzzed somewhat, and I looked at this guy. Kinda stocky with more like a body builder's image. So I told this guy, that if he could run and finish a marathon, definitely I could. I felt strong and confident. I could could go clubbing and dance for hours on end. Not just lazy floor movements, but energetic total body dancing. On top of that, I was doing at least three squash games weekly, each game lasting no less than thirty minutes. If you haven't played squash, 30 minutes is a lot of time especially for a high paced game.

So this guy said, there's absolutely no way that I could get up on Sunday, run 42.2 kilometers without having trained at all. There was absolutely no way at all. That's all it took to get me into my first Montreal Marathon. Hung over, I went to register the next day. There was a half-marathon and a full marathon. I took the full thing. Got my bib, some freebies and my t-shirt.

That was the hardest race in my life. Actually, the first half was nothing and I took of like it was an actual race. But by the time I got to 30K, I was in serious pain. I believe I stopped a couple of times. My sneakers were not real running shoes and my knees were in pain. But I finished, crossing the line at 4 hours 30 minutes or so. My friend who'd challenged me, finished in 4 hours 50 minutes. I beat him. He could not believe it. Even though he'd trained for months, it didn't matter. I still finished ahead.

Later that evening, I thought about it. Running for over four hours continuously. I actually did it. My feet were really sore, in fact I could barely walk. The shoes that I was wearing were not running shoes and I could feel sharp pangs of pain in my heels each time I took a step. So I decided to get my feet checked out at the hospital. I took myself to the emergency room at the Royal Victoria Hospital (on Dr. Penfield Street) in Montreal. They took x-rays and found nothing. No fractures, the feet were fine. So I hobbled about for a few days just waiting till the pain subsided, and eventually it did. It took about two weeks, but after that I was out and about again. I hadn't realised what I had done until much later. Talking to people, watching news on TV or reading newspaper articles about how difficult it is to run a marathon. Good think I didn't read those articles before the race because I went into it blindly thinking it was just another afternoon jog.

I've been running now for about twenty years. I'm 42 as I write this, and that first race, almost twenty years ago I still remember fondly, though the memory of the actual pain is forgotten. There have been good and bad races. I ran an excellent 3:08 in Ottawa in the late eighties. I'm not an elite runner, but in that race, I passed the half-marathon mark in just over one hour. That's elite pace. I must have really died on the back stretch. In any case, I always get to the finish line. Exhausted but elated. It's a wonderful feeling that I can still push my body that far and come out on top.

Training for running has always eluded me. I like the thought of training and when I'm at the best of my form, I can really enjoy it. I love going out for a run in the early morning, or in the late evening after work. Having children, it's a difficult job to juggle everything, but with a bit of determination, you can find that time at the end of the day to get out and run. Running in Canada has it's trials. Minus thirty (for the Americans, that's about minus twenty-two farenheit) temperatures make it difficult in the winter. Winter running is an art in itself and can only be enjoyed if you have the right equipment. The right warm clothing, hats, gloves and, of course, shoes. Not just regular warm clothes, but real winter running gear. Once you have the right gear and the right attitude, getting outside is just a matter of will power. I learned to run late in life. My running season would end summarily in mid October. As soon as the weather started getting too cold for t-shirts, I would hang up my running shoes and wait for the next year. A running buddy got me out of this habit. Took me to the running room store in Mississauga and I decked myself in warm pants a dry-weave running shirt and a wind breaker. Once I started running in winter, I actually found it quite enjoyable. You don't see too many of us running in winter. Only the die-hard runners stay outside all year and they're a really fun group.

But apart from the winter running gear, I've discovered that in order to enjoy running, you really have to make it a part of your life. Much like eating and sleeping. It's something that you have to love doing. Not just like doing because you think you'll get some health benefits from it (and you will) but something inside you must want to get out there and push your body a little bit further. Like I said earlier in this post, I was never a good runner growing up. I was a lousy runner and hated it with a passion. Thinking about running almost made me sick. Somewhere I convinced myself that I needed to get some exercise and I started to jog in university (Waterloo... then McGill). I never really liked it. And many times I'd quit for weeks, even months. But I kept pushing and trying. I didn't know how to run properly and I didn't know that there was a running technique. That you could actually learn to run. My technique for running was quite simple back then. Change into sneakers, shorts and a t-shirt and then get moving. One leg after another, shuffling along sometimes. There was no thought to drinking water, having a quick snack or even taking care of my health by having good rest.

Partying was still the order of the day and Fridays and Saturdays were innevitably spend outside. This party attitude lessened when the children arrived, but the parties were now indoors. A consumate workaholic and computer addict, I barely slept more than four or five hours, which was fine to begin with, but as a runner, barely adequate. Because of that haphazard training, or lack of training, becoming better was simply impossible. I got to a specific point in my running and got stuck there. It was alike an equilibrium point between my health and my lack of discipline. The Ottawa run of 3:08 had become my greatest achievement ever, and it looked like I would never get into that form again. I had settled into runs of between 3:20 and 3:30.

Throughout all of this, I've learned a couple of things. No great revelations, actually quite obvious to even people who don't run. Here they are:

1) Eat well, sleep well.
This is a tricky one. Eat well means that you need to give your body wholesome foods that will provide you with the energy you need to run. You need to eat protein to keep your muscles in good shape. Running is hard business, and you can imagine the wear-and-tear that your legs undergo. It's important to make sure that you eat foods (your favourite foods) that are rich in protein. In addition to protein, you need to eat a lot of carbohydrates. Yes, despite all the diet fads about reduced carbohydrate diets, this one's not for you. Even if you are a casual runner, eat some carbs to give you the energy you need to maintain a happy, enjoyable run. Keep alcohol and coffee to the minimum. They are both dehydrators and they don't allow your body to refresh itself during rest periods. Water is your best bet or low-sugar juice. Fresh vegetables should be at every meal. Some running magazines propose that you should graze all day. This means, instead of having three-square-meals you have many smaller meals. I've practiced this for a number of years and I can say that it works wonders. The main problem that I find with three-square-meals is that each meal fills you up significantly. At the end of the meal, your body is challenged to digest a large quantity of food, most of which you really don't need immediately. If the next meal is a few hours away, your body saves up the excess food and as your next meal approaches, you begin to get hungry again since you haven't had any food for a few hours. Your body is good at storing food that it doesn't need and it's very poor at fetching it when the time comes. The easiest way to replenish your stock is to eat more. So when your next meal arrives, you're really hungry so you eat a lot more. When you graze, you eat smaller portions and more of them. You might eat every two hours but nothing really significant. At the end of the day, you might have eaten close to the equivalent of the three-square-meals, though I doubt it, but you were never hungry during th day. Your body repairs itself while you sleep. Therefore you need to give your body enough time to repair and build muscle tissue. When you are well rested, you will be able to build strength faster. When you feel weak and tired, it's a sign that you are probably pushing yourself too hard and you need some time to rest. Take a day or a few days to give your body the rest it needs. How much rest is enough? Well that differs with each person. There's a rule of thumb that says eight hours of sleep a night is required. Some people that I know do very well with six. I've settled on six-and-a-half hours myself. The extra thirty minutes do make a difference for me and I've found that if I don't compromise this rule, I am a happier person in the morning.

2) Train wisely.
This means that you do different types of exercise. Run, because that's your passion. Swim if you have a chance. Do some sit-ups, push-ups and weight training, because they'll make you stronger. Walk a lot to keep the leg muscles warm and limber. Having good core muscles is essential to running well. Your gut and hip area must be exercised very well. When you're running, you can hold your stomach muscles tight and breathe from the core. This takes a while to get used to but you will strengthen your abdominals even while you're running. Sit-ups have never been a favourite of mine. I prefer to do crunches since they're better on my lower back. However, I find that sit-ups with a medicine ball work well. I try to do about 100 each morning when I wake up as well as 100 crunches. Then I'm off to work. I normally run in the evening and depending on the type of run, I'll get back and do about 50 crunches after the run. No, I don't have rock-hard abs, but I'm working on them. This is a project in progress. Train wisely. If you go to the running room's web site (http://www.runningroom.com) you'll meet an amazing personality, John Stanton. He's the founder of The Running Room. His story is quite amazing and it's proof that anyone can run. He is a marathon runner trainer and says that there are three types of running that a marathon runner should do in order to get ready for that long 42.2 Km run. Regular daily runs at about 70% effort. Then speed training, or as the swedes call it, fartlek training. In this type of training, during your run, you burst into speed at 100% effort for short, medium and long periods. At each end of the burst, you take a rest running slower till you are ready for the next burst. Speed training will build up endurance, pushing your body beyond what it is normally used to. Finally, every marathon runner must do a really long run as part of the training. Some runners take this very seriously and on some of the long runs actually complete a marathon distance. The longest I've ever done on a long run is about 30 K. The point of all this is to do many different activities. Run, swim, bike and even when you're running, don't do the same type of running. Sometimes do a short run, with many sprints. This may last only 30 minutes and you're done. Sometimes do a long run, very slowly with walking breaks. This may last two or three hours.

3) Make running a part of your life.
This means don't see it as a chore that needs to be done. Enjoy it. Just like eating and spending time with loved ones, running should become one of those activities you just can't wait to get out and do. This takes time to achieve. Like I said earlier on. Running didn't come easily for me. It wasn't a gift that I was blessed with. I actually suffered immensely to get to the point that I'm at now. But I can attest to the fact that with perseverance, you can arrive at the same place. Running is not easy. However, once I'm changed into my running gear and I step outside, I'm not afraid anymore. I know my body well and how far it can go. I know that even when I'm bonked out, I can still get back home. I know that it's not a shame to walk when you're really tired. I know that I'll have good days and bad days and that when I get back home from a really bad run I shouldn't beat myself up for it. However, the freedom I feel from being in motion far outweighs any negatives that I feel. I'm in flight and I feel good. Even in the depth of winter when I have to dress up to the tee, I still feel great being outside. And when I'm back indoors, resting, my mind is clear and my body thanks me for trying my best.

Running for life is just that. A lifestyle that includes a diet of running as a regular, daily activity. It won't be easy. Like many diets, you have to forgo certain foods. You have to be strong enough to keep to the things that will make you a healthier person. So with running, there are days where you have to take your medicine. You'll have to dress up, get outside and just do it. I believe after doing it long enough, your body will stop fighting it and will join you in celebrating the outdoors. I don't know when this happened for me, but eventually it did. I don't wake up every day and dash outside. There are still days that are very tiring. But one thing that I've found out is that it's much better to be out there than inside. It's much better to hear your feet click back and forth and your breath in unison, than sit in front of the TV or slouch on a couch.

Sometime in the mid 1990's I injured my knees. It was a hard lesson in doing too much. I could barely walk let alone run and for a few years tried all kinds of remedies, including bandaging the knees and taking an unhealthy amount of Tylenol. The runs were atrocious and the more I tried to run, the worse my knees became. I could barely cross a road if the light was about to change from green to amber. I'd wait till the lights changed then cross the street. Crossing in the middle of the street was risky business. I went to see my doctor who took some x-rays and could see nothing really wrong except for a bit of wear around the cartilage. No fractures or bones crushing each other. The pain actually felt like my knee bones were rubbing against each other. My doctor then told me about Glucosamine Sulphate. He had been giving Glucosamine to his dog who was old and getting some arthritis and he noticed that the dog's friskiness and energy was picking up. He said that I should try it, but it's a slow worker. Glucosamine is an ingredient of cartilage. Your body builds it naturally, but as you get older, your ability to manufacture Glucosamine decreases. So, sometime between 1995 and 1997 I started to take Glucosamine. It took a long time. A very long time. But sometime around 2000, I started to feel better. In fact, towards the end of 1999, I began to jog again. I had gained a hundred and one pounds and could literally feel my weight when I moved. Not good at all. So when I actually felt that my legs could take it, I began to jog. The exercise was as difficult as when I first started. When I first started running though, I was in my twenties and my only problem was weight. Now in the mid-thirties, I had knee and weight problems including issues with age. But nonetheless, I persevered. And I struggled to get out, not every day, but frequently enough. And slowly, week-by-week, month-by-month, I got leaner and better. That's how you do it, slowly and surely. Like the tortoise and the hare.

Our North American society demands instant gratification. We want it now, actually yesterday. We aren't willing to wait for anything. Money, we want it now. Health, we want it now. Fame and success, we wanted that yesterday. The fitness industry has made a ton of money by promising goals that are difficult to achieve. "Attain absolute fitness by only exercising three times a week for only twenty minutes," the ads scream. If I'd found out that secret, I probably would never have become a runner and enjoyed the benefits of running. A good thing it doesn't work. There are fitness clubs galore in many cities in our countries. Diet books abound in many book stores. But there are also many painful stories of defeat. Why do we buy into these scams, and scams they are. There's no other word for them. There's little proof that exercising for twenty minutes, three times a week, while eating anything you like will do you any good. There's absolutely no way you can get better.

While I was learning to run, I was still trying to keep my old lifestyle. Running was something I did on the side, not a core activity. Not a central part of my life. When I decided that everything that I did would focus on getting me to run better, I saw that many of the things I was doing would have to go. The partying would have to slow down. Sleep would have to take priority over watching late night movies. Eating well would have to take precedence over quaffing down steaks and pizzas. The sacrifice seemed overwhelming, but in practice, it wasn't that bad. I was just scared of change. It's just another life changing moment, and I wasn't willing to step into it. So I started slowly. I made sure that I was outside daily. If not for a good strong run, for a pleasantly light jog. I found out that even on days that I wasn't feeling 100%, I could at least muster enough energy to run comfortably. Sometimes it would take 2K to shift from fatigue to relaxed running.

I started writing this months ago. It's become a journal since I now run 20K daily without issue. I've learnt that the mileage increase is not damaging. I used to get lower back pain from a weak core, especially weak abs. I still don't do a lot of core strengthening, not as much as I should be doing, but the pain's gone and my core looks better. It could be a whole lot better still. So at 120K to 140K a week, I think that I have definitely improved. I read somewhere that long runs, the Sunday long run, can lead to an increase in speed. Even for middle and shorter distance runners. There are coaches who put their runners through long runs. Something to do with aerobic and anaerobic muscles. Fast twitch versus slow twitch muscles. As a runner, you need to develop both muscle types. Fast twitch allow you to adjust to different running conditions anaerobically such as quick uphill climbs or sudden requirements for speed. Slow twitch, aerobic muscles, allow you to run greater distances and take longer to fatigue. Both types are required for long and short races.

It's time to publish this and move on to something else. Perhaps a topic that's shorter, and less boring. Running isn't boring. It's great when you know how to do it properly. In any case, check out the following links: http://www.runningroom.com, http://www.runnersworld.com and http://www.coolrunning.com.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

What is a thought?


What is a thought? Are you having one now? What is the difference between a thought and, say, a feeling, sensory input, a perception?

Monday, May 15, 2006

African Culture


I read a very interesting article by Dr. Karega-Munene. It was titled, "Aspects of Sharing amongst Africans." In it, he discusses changes that have taken place, particularly in Kenya, regarding how Africans view and value the community. This article was originally published by Wajibu, a journal published in Nairobi. Wajibu's theme is: A Journal of Social and Religious Concern. I have also been able to locate the article on Wajibu's website so I encourage you to take a look: http://web.peacelink.it/wajibu/14_issue/p1.html.

I agree with everything Dr. Karega-Munene says and it's part of a bigger problem where we're loosing our culture. There's another article, "In Search of an African Identity," by Constantine M. Mwikamba. Even though the topic is complex, the article is very readable and discusses the decline of African Culture. One very important issue, tied to Dr. Karega-Munene's article, has to do with the differences between African Culture and Western Culture. Our, African, culture is one where the individual is part of a collective, part of nature, part of the community and part of the family. The distinction between "I" and "them" is very blurred and "I" does not exist without "them." Your culture is a product of the society that brings you up and the environment in which you exist. You are trained to become part of the collective and participate unselfishly with your community, respecting everyone and everything around you. In contrast, Western Culture is all about "I." The individual can separate themselves from family or community and determine how they will deal with each type of relationship separately. The individual is "free" to select when and how to interact with each group and can refuse to commune if they feel the relationship does not satisfy a particular individual need.

Dr. Karega-Munene's article is even more specific, discussing how African's perceive materialism. We used to give unselfishly. We don't any more. He gives concrete examples where he has seen this in his own experience. In fact, he goes on to give instances where this has been corrupted. Where even those with monetary ability, will actually ask friends, family and even strangers for more money, through "harambees," and hoard what they have amassed.

There's a collection of these essays in a publication by Wajibu called "Social and Religious Concerns of East Africa, ISBN: 9966-7082-0-0." A very good read for all but for Africans in particular.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Life as a computer programmer


So you want to write computer programs for a living? Is it for the intellectual curiosity? Challenge? Few jobs will keep you constantly motiviated and intellectually challenged than a thinker's job. Writing's fun and challenging as well, but writing software in today's world is actually very difficult.

So, I'm trying to learn python. Yep, an interesting name for a programming language which I understand comes from the Monty Python series and not the slithering reptile. Until I started doing work in Linux, I didn't know how hugely popular this programming language was. Most of my life being spent in C/C++ code, and now PHP, you become quite arrogant and think that there's nothing else out there to compare with.

But python's quite popular. There are volumes on the subject and some major applications written entirely in python. So in the next few weeks, I'm going to post some python tutorials. Not the typical Hello World! stuff, but some good material.

See you around.

Taking responsibility


You are singularly responsible for the things you do and the things you say. Our actions are intertwined with the words we speak, affecting those that hear them, or those that read them. It is said that our lives are all connected and that there exists an unconscious experience that develops from our connections with each other.

We're not all good. Some of us are bad, really bad. Some of us are mildly bad and some of us seem invisible. Like the music in a movie, they form the background around which our lives revolve. But the music is still important. It allows you to experience the movie in a richer, more fulfilling way.

From the time we are born, we begin to affect everyone around us. We continue on through life trying to justify exactly why it is we are here. What is the purpose of all this? Why the struggle, or the numb existence? Are we just passengers and who's driving this train anyway?

King Solomon in Ecclesiastes declares that all is vain, futile. Existence is nothing more than futile being. What do we get at the end of the journey? How are we to enjoy the spoils of our labour? Even though it seems futile, it does end up in a positive note, telling us all to respect our neighbour and to enjoy the sweat that comes from labouring.

So I guess one must continue to be strong, educated, hard working and kind. Spending time to enjoy relationships and taking care of the gifts that they've been granted, because, after all, those things will all come to pass, and the talents you have today will expire.

Be good.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

The Epic Story


I'm thinking of writing the epic novel. A grand and very moving story about stuff that just moves you. Ok, that didn't sound right, but you get the picture. They'd be strong, bold heroes. Muscular people who are not afraid and rush towards danger like a kid running towards an ice cream truck. Gorgeous, flawless women whose sole purpose is to tempt and stoke the carnal desires of the male audience.

The plot might be something like this. The time is a gazillion BC, long before anyone knew about religeon or any organised, behavioral authority. Success was determined by the ability to conquer and survive. People aligned themselves with the strong who could do anything to expand their sphere of influence. They were kings, no, in fact they were Gods.

So, on the tiny village, somewhere in south Arabia, lived a village under the protection of the mightly overlord Ghahz. That's nice. I like the name Ghahz. He was a mighty, mighty lord from a line of mighty, mighty lords. His father before him had ruled the land with fear and bloodshed. In fact, his father had told him that the only way to keep obedience was to make sure that there was bloodshed in the memory of the people by killing at least one noble person each and every month.

In the village lived a family. A typical south Arabian family. A man and his harem of women (say six to seven) and a few sons and daughters. This man could dip his wick in different honey pots each day of the week. What a life... but I digress.

One of the sons, innocent in his youthfulness, didn't understand the hierarchy. The order that was imposed on them. When Ghahz sent a soldier to come to their home and take his father for execution, he was completely devastated and resolved that he would exact revenge when the time was right. Of course, it didn't help that he was only five years old at the time and would have to grow up. The fact that he may forget the incident when he was mature enough or that Ghahz would be dead isn't an issue in at this part of the plot.

So the son, let's call him Ahmad, grows up to be a handsome, strong, skilled man. His many skills include combat fighting, gymnastics and, of course, horse riding. Horse riding, a noble and much loved sport in south Arabia.

When Ahmad is sixteen years old, he is told by his mother (one of the six or seven concubines of his late father) that he was betrothed to be married to a local girl. The girl's name is Latifah. It's now the right time to get married.

Even though Ahmad has gone through a number of his brother's and sister's weddings, all of them arranged at birth, he's still surprised that this was not mentioned to him till now. Anyway, he knows Latifah since they attend the same school and is not dissapointed. She's really hot and in fact Ahmad cannot believe his luck. He's actually wondering how Latifah is taking the news at her home.

However, Ghahz is looking for fresh kill, so he decided to visit the home of Ahmad again to look for another victim. He's told by spies that Ahmad (now quite popular in the village) could be an appropriate candidate for execution. Ghahz decides not to kill the young boy, but to kill his betrothed spouse instead.

As you can imagine, this absolutely tears the young Ahmad into pieces. He goes insane and curses the name of Ghahz and his whole line. In a fit of anger, he kills Ghahz's messenger and manages to escape town.

Back in the village, Ghahz has really lost it. He orders the death of each of Ahmad's family members till Ahmad is found. He thinks that they've squirreled him off someplace safe. On day one, they execute Ahmad's mother. On day two they execute the oldest concubine, and so on and so forth.

This continues for a whole week till the news reaches Ahmad who decides to return home to face the consequences of his actions. He is immediately imprisoned and an execution date is set.

Now here's the part of the story where things get a bit strange. In the prison, he hooks up with a nubian slave, Mustafa, who also yearns to get out of prison. They plan and plot an escape and manage to execute it successfully. This is the part in the book where I need to be careful about not insulting my readers. They'll know a good escape when they read one. I was thinking of getting Mustafa to make friends with one of the guards who they can later coax into helping them. Perhaps a guard with homosexual tendencies who could be tempted... no, I don't think that I can describe that sort of thing successfully. I'll be railed out by the homo-rights community and shunned. My book will be burnt and censored.

So, they're out, but still angry. Now they have to make sure that they can get to Ghahz and kill him. They will have to capture him and take him somewhere where they can inflict the pain of all the people Ghahz has killed on him. Perhaps by cutting off pieces of his flesh, stripping them off carefully and then searing the open wounds with salty water. Pulling off his teeth and filing the open nerves with splintered wood. Maybe even pulling off each toe nail and then mashing each toe flat with a cast iron sledge hammer. Ideas aplenty.

So, by some ingenuity, they are able to make it into the home of Ghahz. They find him sleeping with four of his favourite concubines (perhaps I can describe the Ghahz evening scene the night before for the single and starving) and manage to whisk him away.

But they run into a complication. All of a sudden, Mustafa does not want to participate in the wanton killing. He actually wants to make Ghahz repent and send him back, perhaps to do good (violins playing). Ahmad cannot believe this. Now he's caught between fighting the man who helped him escape from prison, to kill his enemy. The man who killed his father. Denied him of a parent.

Ghahz, arrogant as ever, does not wimper or beg for his life. This really irks Ahmad because he knows that his father cried out loud for his life and begged to be spared. Ghahz had laughed out loud even when Ahmad's father had soiled himself in humiliation and pain.

But Mustafa agrees to let Ahmad have some revenge as long as he lets Ghahz live so Ahmad tortures him to impotence thereby stopping the bloodline. This is probably too late since Ghahz had a harem full of women who have provided him with plenty offspring so far.

The story continues when they let Ghahz go back to his palace where he immediately sends forces out to look for Ahmad and Mustafa. Of course, they catch up with the unfortunate two and return them to the palace where they will be summarily put to death in the most shameful way.

Such is life. Winners always win, even though it's never fair.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Benelix


Benelix is a Solaris Open/Free operating system that runs on Intel machines. More information can be obtained here at: http://belenix.sarovar.org/

I don't like it. It's a Linux wannabe. Sun should stick to running it on their platforms and not try to give it away when there's no real benefit to it. What can you get from it? What can you run on it?

I got a Live CD copy from Linux Format (magazine). A Live CD is a CD copy of the software that will boot from the CD and allow you to use the software without you having to install it. A Live CD is an excellent way to test operating systems. Virtual Machines are another way, however you need to install virtual machine software.

The Live CD of Benelix was quite useless. It booted fine and had Firefox so I was able to get online and look around. The window managers that they have Xfce and KDE look jagged and crappy. No font smoothing at all. The default color schemes and themes need a lot of attention.

It's really sad since I think Solaris is an excellent product. Benelix could beat the crap out of Linux but it just looks plain ugly.

I know a man


I know a man, he sits and waits.
He waits and waits, and cannot move.
He cannot move, because he's waiting.
He knows that soon, the wait will be over.

Bees are buzzing all the time.
Inside, outside and all around.
The noise resounding so you cannot think.
I wish today will soon be over.

You try to smile and feel good inside.
The sun is shining, but clouds hang over you.
You're blessed with health, strength and vitality.
You cannot see, because your eyes are shut.

I know I am because I feel.
I feel the wind, the rain and the sun.
I hear the sounds of laughter and joy.
One day that all will be mine to enjoy.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

The problem with pain


In his great book, The Problem with Pain, CS Lewis tried to answer an important question about life and religeon. The basic premise was, if there is a God (capital G) and that God is a good God, and that God is omnipotent, then why is there suffering in the world. Either there is NO God, or that God doesn't care - therefore not a good God, or that God is not omnipotent.

I was walking home the other day, passed by some homeless people settling in for the night. It wasn't a cold day, but the setting was disturbing. Downtown Toronto, in front of the Royal Bank plaza, a symbol of wealth. As is normally the case, the homeless couple (yes a man and a woman) were settling down around a vent, for the underground. All the exhausted warm air from a part of subterrenean Toronto is pushed out through these vents and is usually warm. A police car drove by and stopped in front of them. One of the cops (yes there were two) got out of the car, adjusted his pants, took out his truncheon and walked towards the couple.

I was walking away but was curious enough to keep looking back. A conversation of some sort was taking place. Adversarial in nature since the cop was waving his truncheon in his left hand and occasionally smacking it in the palm of his left hand. After a short while, cop #2 got out of the car.

Obviously outnumbered, the couple got up slowly and began to pick up whatever they owned. A blanket, a few plastic bags and some stuff wrapped up in newsprint. Probably some food. They then proceeded to walk away from the spot they had so carefully settled down in, occasionally glancing back longingly.

I tore myself away from the scene but could not forget it so quickly. I often wonder why, in a country as great as ours, with social programs as good as ours, we still experience destitution. I doubt that it's by choice. Even when you hear the horror stories about what goes on in some of the shelters, living on the streets cannot be that much better of an option. Why would someone stoop so low and degrade themselves that way? Where is God?

What's also scary is, looking at many of the homeless on our own streets, is that they look very much like me. In fact, one time I passed a homeless person, earnestly working on what looked like a novel. They had a notepad in hand, filled with notes and they were furiously filling the page with a lot of words. A coffee cup on the ground next to them and a stash of things around them. A cut-out cardboard that read, "homeless, but trying to get an education."

It's not a matter of luck that some win and some lose. I don't know what forces there are in this world that lead to this. If there is a God, he's clearly not getting as involved as I think he should. As confusing as the lessons He's trying to teach. It's like leaving your three year-old up to their own devices, with a rule book filled with parables. It just doesn't make sense.

I wish there was something real that I could do other than just walk away.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Tuesday May 2nd at 4:09 PM


Bruce Schneier is definitely one of my heroes. I'm a big fan. I've read two of his books; Beyond Fear, Secrets and Lies, and I read as much of my Crypto-Gram subscription as I can. But I'm busy and time is something that I don't have much of. I tend to sit and write these blog notes as an outlet, late at night. It feels good to purge all that noise.

Anyway, back to Bruce. The last mailing had a very strange contest. He was calling on people to submit stories regarding terrorism. I'm not sure I understand the reason, if there was one, but what shocked me was the responses. From the very silly to some where people actually took the time to sit and think about this. I'm sure movie directors are currently pouring through the blog searching for inspiration.

Check out his weblog at: http://www.schneier.com/blog/.

You can go directly to the issue of Crypto-Gram with the contest (and the results) at: http://www.schneier.com/crypto-gram-0604.html

My 2 cents on OpenOffice.org 2.0


OpenOffice.org (OOo) is quite nice. The suite now looks professional. I must admit, version 0.x had some growing to do especially in the area of smooth fonts. The interface looked kinda grainy. I hear that you can download Microsoft fonts and use them. One good thing about Microsoft fonts is that they are quite usable. I like Trebuchet MS. It's easy on the eyes and very printable.

 Use OpenOffice.org

There are very many reasons why you should use OOo. For one, it's absolutely free. Absolutely, free! Where would you get a professional piece of software like that for nothing? Microsoft?

There's very little you can't do with OpenOffice.org. In fact, I can't think of anything you can't do which doesn't mean much since I'm not a power user. I can do some pretty fancy desktop publishing when called upon to. I can create some great looking presentations in Presentation. But I'm sure like most users, I'm not looking to stretch my desktop applications looking for the most insignificant esoteric things that they can do. I don't see much point in my word processor being able to perform spreadsheet calculations, though I'm happy that the tables in Writer are intelligent.

I'd actually be quite happy with just Writer, Calc and Impress. It's good to see the vector drawing application (since I like to draw), database and math.

It's a great suite. You should download it, install it and use it. However, if you've got lots of cash and feel that you cannot possibly tear yourself away from that other office suite (the one that shall remain nameless), feel free and spend your money.

Mother Earth


In the summer, the sun is hot. In the winter the sun is cold. Even though the skies are clear and blue, and the rays shine bright, it's hot and then again it's cold. The earth tilts this way and that way. Circling around the sun. Wildly, unconsciously. Trying to get closer. I think they call it centrifugal. This rare combination of mass and distance has created a climate to sustain us. Are we alone on this wild trip? I highly doubt it.

God sits above, looking down. He sees all and acknowledges his works. He has created mars and put on it some bare rocks, so it seems. He has created mercury, filled with heat and sulphur. He has created earth, green and blue. It was not always this way. We were barren and fiery once. Nothing moved. Not a solitary ant. But here we are today, filled with arrogance and defiance. We are it. Nothing is better than us.

Our time will pass.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Technology Today!


Technology is a wonderful thing. It allows for creative expression. It allows for efficiency and productivity. Technology sometimes makes the improbable probable. Where blind men can see and the deaf can hear. Where the lame will walk, run, sprout wings and fly. The automobile allows for transportation, fast and comfortable. The automobile is also there for entertainment. We love the sleekness and the speed. The sound of the roaring engine, power magnified. Our homes are a technological wonder. Built to keep out the elements and keep us safe and warm. Adjustable lighting controlled from a switch. Electric power provided by a myriad of cables with additional veins for water, both hot and cold. Now I hear that you can control the climate in different rooms, creating microcosms. Imagine having a summer beach room, a wintery snow room and perhaps a cool breezy fall forest all within walking distance. Sound a bit like the holodeck on the starship enterprise. There's now an Airbus that can carry at least 555 people. Wow!

This computer thing's getting way out of hand. Just imagine, a few years ago, not that long really, computers were for the chosen few. I remember some summer jobs where there were no computers in sight. The secretary only had a typewriter. I also had a typewriter which I still own today. My first computer, a Tandy 1000 SX was my introduction to personal computing. Oh we had computers in school, but with your own computer you can really go wild and experiment. It had a single floppy drive, 360 Kb. What a lot of space. I remember that WordPerfect fit neatly on a single disk. When you wanted to print, you had to take that disk out and put in the second one. I believe you also had to do this if you wanted to do any spell checking.

What a long way we've come!

Why we write!


A writer must write. A singer must sing. A dancer must dance. That's what a calling is for. Imagine being able to wake up each day and to that thing, the thing that you love to do the most? Wouldn't that be amazing? Wouldn't that be great?

I have a friend. Let's call him "T." T loves to read and write, but can never find time to sit and put pen to paper. T's always talking about the kind of things he'd like to write about. Ideas just flood his brain, flowing fluidly through his mind and out of his mouth from where they disappear into the ether. Never to be recorded permanently. It's probably the lure of writing, the imagined creative release that draws T towards the art. The actual practise, being a task, never happens. So T sits there, imagining pages flooded with his genius. All in his head.

Dreaming is also an art. It's very easy to do since it requires very little physical effort. You don't even have to close your eyes. You can do it while sitting, even when someone's talking to you. You can dream and they won't even know. Writing's different. You have to be conscious. You have to think and then turn those thoughts into solid images, words. It's like thinking, then seeing then acting. It's hard because you're actually doing the same thing at least twice, if not more. You think of a dog. You then picture the dog. You then pick up your pencil and write... "I see a dog." Then you think to yourself, that's not what I wanted to say. So you erase that sentence and you write... "I see a big, brown dog." Now you're getting tired because the words you've written don't describe the dog that you're seeing. The dog that you're seeing in your minds eye is active, full of energy and life. It's looking at you with anticipation. Perhaps it wants to play. It's on edge, just waiting for your attention. That's not what you captured. It's easy to see, not so easy to describe.

So you dream more, and write less. Perhaps later we can find a way to make this easier.