THE PROCRASTINATING PERFECTIONIST

Already 14 days into 2024 and I have not kept up with my commitment to write - at least in this blog. I have been journaling daily, because for me, journaling is like eating. I have to do it. My journaling is therapeutic more than anything.

And I have had this idea of writing at least weekly, and as you can see, it's the end of week 2 - and the only thing I wrote was on new years day, signalling the start of a year of writing.

But I'm here to try to analyze this thing that's stopping me from being as productive as I was back in 2011 (most prolific blogging year) or even 2022.

And I have narrowed it down to 3 rules. I'll give you the rules now, and then walk you through how they came about.

I started out with a table, listing side-by-side, what some of my reasons to procrastinate are, and why I think I tend to be a perfectionist. Here's what I jotted down.

PROCRASTINATE	PERFECTIONIST
1. Too many alternatives (options) can't decide	1. Goal is still not clear, "I want this to be perfect"
2. Not sure how/where to start.	2. Don't know everything yet, so I won't start until I know everything
3. I have lots of time, don't need to rush to start or finish	3. I fear criticism if it's not perfect, so I won't do anything until I know it will be perfect to avoid criticism
4. Analysis-paralysis - I don't have all the information to start so I won't start.	4. Too many options - should I use paper, computer, Word, OneNote...
5. If I wait, I will think of ways to make it better.	5. I don't want to have to start over, so I cannot start till I know I will be able to finish in one shot.
6. I'll spend time doing more thinking so that I do this once, and once only.	6. Until I can confirm that this will be my best effort, I keep thinking about it.
7. I'm always thinking about things, never actually doing.	7. Mediocre is not an option, neither is average - so nothing gets finished.
8. I don't have enough knowledge, constant Internet research.	8. Always starting, never finishing.
9. The end seems a long way away, I must think of all the steps before I even begin.	9. I don't want to start and then have to go back to the start again.
10. Could be lazy, can this wait? For what? Till I feel like it, or I'm ready?	10. Now the end goal seems quite foggy, not clear, blurry. Don't know if this is my best effort.

There are some common elements among both of these.

• Difficulty starting anything, unless everything is known.

• Fear of being less-than-perfect - not just wanting to waste time being wrong, or going down the wrong path, wanting to be perfect.

• Overwhelmed and confused at having many options. Cannot proceed until all of them are evaluated.

• Desire to please - perfectionism asks that there should be no criticism.

• Overthinking - the mental picture of the desired goal is very grand; but it is also foggy, unclear.

• Blank Page Syndrome - don't know where the first marks should go. So nothing starts.

Here are some thoughts:

PROBLEM	SOLUTION
Unclear goal - "I sense what I want, but I cannot visualize it clearly"	Write down the target: Write the email. Outline the Strategic Plan. Finish two chapters. Send the template
Not sure how to start.	With what you know. With what is visible. You can even start in the middle, or the end. You can always refactor.
I don't have all the information with me, let me collect it first.	Move straight to the output (forget about rough drafts).
I don't know it all (similar to above), fearful that I'm on the wrong path.	Most of the time, the first thing that you do will be the best. Most of the time.
I cannot visualize the finish line (the final thing)	Then work only on the middle.