Mindfulness

I had lunch with a cousin that I had not seen in ages, literally decades. It was great catching up and throughout the lunch I slowly remembered her and how fun life had been when we were all younger. Time just slipped by and before we knew it, it was early evening and time to say goodbye.

As we said goodbye, my dad, who lives next door, happened to be passing by and stopped by just to chat. Now, normally, I only take visitor by appointment, but of course, parents and family would be different. They don't need appointments to come and visit you. But it was something he said that made me think of writing this. He remarked about how difficult it is, living in the city, for family and friends to see one another. He said that back in the old days, living in the village, we saw one another much more and took time to enjoy each other's company. And then he went on to say that this absence of contact is the reason why so many of our young people are depressed.

DEPRESSION

Back in the seventies and eighties, when I was growing up, we didn't know what ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) now known as ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder) was. I suspect that the disease wasn't even that prevalent, it's probably a sign of the times, but I'm sure it was there. Just like recognition that soldiers needed help after coming back from war, you just couldn't take them back home and expect them to get a job and go back to being normal, even this recognition that there was help needed came quite late.

We didn't know that kids, as young as 12 years old, could get a stroke. But now we recognize that ADHD is real, and I know some people who have it. And if not treated, could lead to fatal consequences. It's not a joke that the rates of suicides among young people has really gone up. Some of it simply a statistical adjustment. If you have a 10% rate of something in a population, and you have 100 people, then you expect that 10 of them will have this thing. However, if you have 8 billion people, like we have today, then that's 80 million with the thing. But a lot of what we're finding out about depression is not statistical. Some of it is a recognition that indeed this stuff was there before, we just didn't know about it. And the other is that the problem is exacerbating. It's getting worse.

Unlike self-help, depression is not one of those conditions where you can simply tell the person to stop being depressed. You cannot tell them to go and find something useful to do and get better. Drugs, prescription drugs, seem to help but I feel that's a slippery slope. The long term effects of these drugs are not too well understood, and perhaps in a couple of decades, we will be where we are now with the diagnosis, we'll say we didn't know.

MINDFULNESS

My mind is a racetrack, constantly buzzing around and around. But I'm also a worrier. The glass is always half empty. I spend a lot of time thinking of what is wrong, or what is going to go wrong, went wrong or potentially could go wrong. Constantly on that hedonic treadmill, looking for the next thing. But I discovered a way to stop time, breath and focus on the being still inside.

It's not easy. I have been practicing for years, and I can tell you that it's still difficult. My mind still asks me what on earth I'm doing this for, and why I bother. But I can assure you that the benefits are astounding. Simply amazing.

But mindfulness does not have to be practised in total silence, sitting in a quiet room with your legs crossed. It can be practised when you're walking, taking public transit to work, eating your breakfast, lunch, dinner or snack. Mindfulness is simply being aware.

Mindfulness is being aware.

It's being aware of everything about you. How your fingers feel, how your toes feel, how your hair feels. Going into your thoughts and analyzing what you were just thinking about, and trying to figure out why those thoughts were there. Time slows down and you create a bubble where you sink deeply into yourself. To get to that state, I have found that I start by concentrating on my breath. Yes, it works well in a room all by yourself, sitting down where there is no interruption, or disruption, but it also works when you're not.

Breathing is natural, so you can feel the breath as it goes in and out of your body. Through the nostrils and into your lungs. Something you do so naturally everyday without thinking. Now take a moment and really concentrate on this. Each breath is unique and is your friend, and you concentrate on each volume of air going into you.

Naturally, you may become distracted. All of a sudden, that tax form you promised to fill out comes to mind and you remember that you did not fill it out and send it in. A phone call to a friend that has lapsed also come to mind and quite quickly you get bored with feeling and listening to your breath as other priorities take place.

But as soon as that happens, you take notice of it, you simply dismiss it and go back to your breath. Do this enough times and the interruptions will get fewer and fewer. If you're like me, they'll never truly go away, but they will decrease in quantity and intensity. And you'll notice them sooner and dismiss them quicker.

I used to get this feeling that I was wasting time, that I could be doing something more productive. Something useful. But what's useful? Working on that project. Finishing your taxes. Doing that shopping. Writing that proposal, presentation or important paper. There's always something more important. Even when you're doing that important work, there's something else waiting in the line.

So think of meditation as exercise. Or sleep. Put it up there as a priority as one of those things. Exercise, sleep, food and meditation.

PRACTISE

Is defined as performing, or exercising, an activity repeatedly or regularly in order to acquire, improve or maintain proficiency in it. It's by practise that the muscle memory develops, that the skill becomes innate.

Like anything important, regular is the keyword. Like exercise and diet. But unlike those two, don't be deceived by the thought that you need to find a sanitized room, with incense. You can meditate in the bus on your way to work. When walking quietly at lunch. Sitting alone for a while on a bench, even on a busy street.

As long as you move your thoughts inwards. Feel your breath. Feel your heartbeat. Feel, rather than think, your thoughts. Do a body scan, toes to head and back again. Get lost in how you feel. Really concentrate on your body, on the surface of your skin, your muscles. It will take time and the distractions will be there. Recognize them as such, as distractions, and then move on.

Practise, practise, practice.