Mindfulness

I had lunch with a cousin that I had not seen in ages, literally decades. It was great catching up and throughout the lunch I slowly remembered her and how fun life had been when we were all younger. Time just slipped by and before we knew it, it was early evening and time to say goodbye.

As we said goodbye, my dad, who lives next door, happened to be passing by and stopped by just to chat. Now, normally, I only take visitor by appointment, but of course, parents and family would be different. They don't need appointments to come and visit you. But it was something he said that made me think of writing this. He remarked about how difficult it is, living in the city, for family and friends to see one another. He said that back in the old days, living in the village, we saw one another much more and took time to enjoy each other's company. And then he went on to say that this absence of contact is the reason why so many of our young people are depressed.

DEPRESSION

Back in the seventies and eighties, when I was growing up, we didn't know what ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) now known as ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder) was. I suspect that the disease wasn't even that prevalent, it's probably a sign of the times, but I'm sure it was there. Just like recognition that soldiers needed help after coming back from war, you just couldn't take them back home and expect them to get a job and go back to being normal, even this recognition that there was help needed came quite late.

We didn't know that kids, as young as 12 years old, could get a stroke. But now we recognize that ADHD is real, and I know some people who have it. And if not treated, could lead to fatal consequences. It's not a joke that the rates of suicides among young people has really gone up. Some of it simply a statistical adjustment. If you have a 10% rate of something in a population, and you have 100 people, then you expect that 10 of them will have this thing. However, if you have 8 billion people, like we have today, then that's 80 million with the thing. But a lot of what we're finding out about depression is not statistical. Some of it is a recognition that indeed this stuff was there before, we just didn't know about it. And the other is that the problem is exacerbating. It's getting worse.

Unlike self-help, depression is not one of those conditions where you can simply tell the person to stop being depressed. You cannot tell them to go and find something useful to do and get better. Drugs, prescription drugs, seem to help but I feel that's a slippery slope. The long term effects of these drugs are not too well understood, and perhaps in a couple of decades, we will be where we are now with the diagnosis, we'll say we didn't know.

MINDFULNESS

My mind is a racetrack, constantly buzzing around and around. But I'm also a worrier. The glass is always half empty. I spend a lot of time thinking of what is wrong, or what is going to go wrong, went wrong or potentially could go wrong. Constantly on that hedonic treadmill, looking for the next thing. But I discovered a way to stop time, breath and focus on the being still inside.

It's not easy. I have been practicing for years, and I can tell you that it's still difficult. My mind still asks me what on earth I'm doing this for, and why I bother. But I can assure you that the benefits are astounding. Simply amazing.

But mindfulness does not have to be practised in total silence, sitting in a quiet room with your legs crossed. It can be practised when you're walking, taking public transit to work, eating your breakfast, lunch, dinner or snack. Mindfulness is simply being aware.

Mindfulness is being aware.

It's being aware of everything about you. How your fingers feel, how your toes feel, how your hair feels. Going into your thoughts and analyzing what you were just thinking about, and trying to figure out why those thoughts were there. Time slows down and you create a bubble where you sink deeply into yourself. To get to that state, I have found that I start by concentrating on my breath. Yes, it works well in a room all by yourself, sitting down where there is no interruption, or disruption, but it also works when you're not.

Breathing is natural, so you can feel the breath as it goes in and out of your body. Through the nostrils and into your lungs. Something you do so naturally everyday without thinking. Now take a moment and really concentrate on this. Each breath is unique and is your friend, and you concentrate on each volume of air going into you.

Naturally, you may become distracted. All of a sudden, that tax form you promised to fill out comes to mind and you remember that you did not fill it out and send it in. A phone call to a friend that has lapsed also come to mind and quite quickly you get bored with feeling and listening to your breath as other priorities take place.

But as soon as that happens, you take notice of it, you simply dismiss it and go back to your breath. Do this enough times and the interruptions will get fewer and fewer. If you're like me, they'll never truly go away, but they will decrease in quantity and intensity. And you'll notice them sooner and dismiss them quicker.

I used to get this feeling that I was wasting time, that I could be doing something more productive. Something useful. But what's useful? Working on that project. Finishing your taxes. Doing that shopping. Writing that proposal, presentation or important paper. There's always something more important. Even when you're doing that important work, there's something else waiting in the line.

So think of meditation as exercise. Or sleep. Put it up there as a priority as one of those things. Exercise, sleep, food and meditation.

PRACTISE

Is defined as performing, or exercising, an activity repeatedly or regularly in order to acquire, improve or maintain proficiency in it. It's by practise that the muscle memory develops, that the skill becomes innate.

Like anything important, regular is the keyword. Like exercise and diet. But unlike those two, don't be deceived by the thought that you need to find a sanitized room, with incense. You can meditate in the bus on your way to work. When walking quietly at lunch. Sitting alone for a while on a bench, even on a busy street.

As long as you move your thoughts inwards. Feel your breath. Feel your heartbeat. Feel, rather than think, your thoughts. Do a body scan, toes to head and back again. Get lost in how you feel. Really concentrate on your body, on the surface of your skin, your muscles. It will take time and the distractions will be there. Recognize them as such, as distractions, and then move on.

Practise, practise, practice.

Password Security

Bruce Schneier says that security is both a feeling and a reality.

He also said, if you have nothing to hide, then you have nothing to fear.

I've been thinking a lot lately about all the stuff that I have online, and what would happen if it got lost. Back in the old days, when you opened a bank account, they gave you a little banking book, and you had an account number, which, incidentally, everyone knew. But nobody could take your money out of your account since you had to physically go to the bank, with your bank book, and access your account.

And even when ATM's started getting popular, you had to show up at the ATM, with your ATM card, and key in your four-digit PIN, which only you (and possibly your spouse and kids), knew.

Now everything's online. Banks, emails, shopping, contracts, rental agreements, calendars, schedules, medical records, vehicle licenses, identification documents, social security data, divorce and separation agreements, court decisions and so on. Some of this stuff is personal and private and nobody other than yourself should have access to it. Other stuff is public and everyone's reading it.

IN THE BEGINNING

There were few accounts, and possibly one password. That password was used to get to your email and your social media account. It was the same password.

Incidentally, the same password used to login to your computer at work.

Then banks started doing all their transactions online, and you used your same email password for your bank account. This was before the time when the username was your email address. Back then, your username was a cryptic bank number.

And slowly as some government services (such as the tax departments, or driver's licenses) started to come online, someone told you not to use the same password. So you put 123 at the end of it, that was different enough.

What was the worst that could have happened? Well, someone could have broken into your email and read all your correspondence, illicit or otherwise. This could have been embarrassing and you may have lost a few friends in the process, but the financial risk (which is how we value the risk) would have been minimal in most cases. But the banking breach would have been different. The thief would have stolen all your hard earned money so that needed to be protected with much more care.

EIGHT CHARACTERS, UPPER, LOWER WITH NUMBERS

We have come a long way and we've been taught about password complexity. Our IT departments keep telling us that we need to have complex passwords that are hard to crack, but are memorable. And so, something like this, Pa$$w3rd5, is acceptable, and if we can imagine that the $ is an S, the 3 is an E and the 5 looks also like an S, we may be able to remember it as Passwords, with a few modifications.

But even that's not enough. There was a study sometime ago that revealed that an eight-digit password could be hacked in less than a day by a diligent hacker. So the length of the password is important. Of course, if you have a mix of different symbols, it gets harder to crack, but still eight digits is not enough.

So we were told to move up to eleven, and that is better. 

To make matters worse, websites began to demand complexity in the passwords you chose. Some institutions (namely the banks) started insisting that you change your password every thirty or so days. And once again, we were back to square one - take the same old password and append a number to the end of it. This month, it's Super.$3cret1, next month it's Super.$3cret2, then Super.$3cret3. And even if you forget it while you're online, you can just keep rotating the numbers till you get it right. Most people didn't even bother, they wrote it nicely on a post-it note and stuck it behind the monitor. Some of the more conscientious of us put that piece of paper in our wallets. Like that would help.

PASSPHRASES

And them someone figured out that the real issue, in getting good complexity, was actually the length of the password. The longer the password, then the harder, much, much harder it was for it to be cracked. So now we had passphrases like: iamthegodofmykingdom. And if you add spaces, way easier to type.

Still we were plagued with the fact that nearly every service we need is online. Even if we don't care about the content of our social media, we care that we don't want someone else masquerading as us. And so we would need different passphrases for each of the hundred accounts we have online. It's super important now to do this because we don't know how the websites are storing our passwords.

In many cases, much less as time goes on, when you click on the "forgot password" link on a website, they will send you a link to your email account to a spot where you can reset your password. That was not always the case. In the past, they'd actually email you your password. Many sites still do this today. So if you've been using your banking password on those sites, perhaps it's time to head over there and change it.

MULTIFACTOR

And we're on the next phase of passwords, or no passwords. This is the first real attempt at becoming serious about security. Not allowing people to think of their own ways to access their accounts, but insisting that they continually prove that they are who they say they are.

That's what 2FA (two-factor authentication) is really trying to address. We think we know who you are, but can you please send me back a code I just sent to the phone number I know is yours and I also know you wouldn't even give your phone to your spouse. It's not that I don't believe you wouldn't give your password to your kids so that they can transfer their own pocket money from your bank, but we don't trust that your kids won't give it out (accidentally) to someone else. And that could get you into trouble.

All we're trying to do is protect you from yourself. So, again, tell me what that code is that I sent to your phone, and, oh, by the way, I also need another code that I've emailed to you.

Some websites have done away completely with the password. As long as you validate yourself with either your phone or your email address, they're willing to send you a code to one of these as a better alternative to having a password. In a way, it's better. It's stronger since someone would need to have access to your email in order to hack your accounts.

So you'd better make sure your email password is really tough. And that the unlock PIN on your phone is also good.

BIOMETRIC

The granddaddy of all super secure methods - if our security providers can get this working correctly. Apple seems to be doing a good job. Not only don't we trust that we can send you a code (because we all k now that Apple product owners are touch-feely types who will lend their kids and friends their Apple gadgets), but we need to see you, or touch you.

And that's where face recognition and touch ID's come in. I think the last frontier in identity management. As long as we cannot fool the cameras, or the fingerprint sensors, we have a shot at making something that can really work. In Kenya, where I live, this may be a tough sell since the government has copies, upon copies, of its citizen's fingerprints and retina scans. And I suspect they keep this stuff in a thumb drive, on a keyring that the employees regularly pass among each other and dump the data to personal folders on OneDrive.

And so we're back to Bruce Schneier who I think is a genius in his field. When asked by a reporter how to prevent a disaster like 9/11, replied that it was simple. Ground all the aircraft. Clearly it was not an option, but as long as we have people, we'll need a careful balance between being secure and having access.

SUMMARY

I remember, in my days as a manager for a technical team, and the various discussions around users and accounts. It wasn't only about accessing accounts, but also securing services. And that's where the problems lie. Because, honestly, security is a process, and a system. There's no such thing as a secure system, only one that hasn't yet been breached. And a continual evaluation, and re-evaluation, of services is the only way to mitigate, check and respond to threats.

Oh, and by the way, if you are a systems administrator for any service you provide, either to internal clients or whomever, please, I beg you, stop this nonsense of forcing password resets. If you know people, you'll know that you just made things worse.

Celebrating Personal Achievements

Herd mentality comes from social engineering, which comes from thousands of years of conditioning and evolution, which is a consequence of our need to survive. But it goes against the attributes in our DNA, that stuff we're told predetermines, actually hard codes, who we are. Just like you cannot change your height, or your skin colour, or how your face looks your DNA is responsible for not only physical attributes, but also abilities and, they say, emotions and thoughts.

The Desiderata says, If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. The lesson here is that abilities are individual. I think that these instruction in The Desiderata are subtly powerful. Achievement is getting something done successfully. It could also mean recognition for the thing done. But there's a hint of comparison, which is to achieve compared to what?

And here's where we listen closely to The Desiderata. Because the normal thing is to compare yourself with others, and say, I have achieved based on my comparison to this person's achievement. Or that person's achievement. Even when the thing you are trying to accomplish bears no resemblance in terms of comparison to the person who you are comparing your achievement with.

Here's a simple example.

Pay and salary. This is one ruler, standard, used to measure achievement. If I make a certain amount of money, then I have achieved, succeeded. If I don't then I have inevitably failed.

Another one might be the acquisition of stuff. The more stuff you have, the more you can say that you have achieved. In Kenya we can say, I have arrived!

This sense that we need to continue to accumulate and gain and gather and move forward and compete and slash and burn all opposition may be partly genetic. Our brains tell us that we need to forage for food so that we can survive. And that having more food than the other person makes us stronger than the other person so that we can survive longer than they can, if a contest for survival were to happen. Also having more food, keeping it and not sharing it, means that should a famine happen, then we are likely to survive longer. Better still, if the other person has food, then taking that food away from them means more food for us, which is also better for survival. So taking stuff away from others is also part of personal achievement. If you see something that someone else has, then you want it. And in today's world, this is not limited to food, it's clothing, cars, jewelry, wealth and their spouse.

ENOUGH

In order to be emotionally happy, we must then acquire a notion of having enough. That notion of enough must be a personal one that dares only look inside, and not compare with others. It may look something like this:

• Today I wrote an essay, a couple of pages long, it may not make it to the New York Times bestseller list, but I'm happy with it.
• Today I did a 30 minute walking exercise, I feel great.
• Today I sat quietly for 30 minutes, uninterrupted, without a problem and I'm glad to have time to sit and think this way, it is a gift.

HALF FULL

But that's not the case most of the time. We're most likely to see the half empty part of the glass, not the half full, because it's the half empty part that's most likely to get us killed.

Going back to the prehistory you, who needed to be right 100% of the time in order not to die. That one time you mistake a sabre toothed tiger for a rock is the last time you do that. It does not matter the hundred times you were right. It takes just one.

And that's why negative thoughts are that much more powerful than positive ones. Negative thoughts make you grow more than positive ones. They say that's the same with exercise. Your muscles grow when you over stress them. You need to get to that point of pain in order for the exercise to work. And it's not comfortable.

It is nearly impossible to replace those negative thoughts with positive ones, since the negative ones are triggered externally. Mostly triggered externally and that (I believe) is why most meditation practices focus on going inside. Focusing on something simple, like the breath, and trying to cut out external thoughts. But the babble is overwhelming and cannot be shut off, and so when it happens, and you recognize that it has happened, then you can recenter an refocus yourself.

The half full babble sounds something like this:

• Oh crap, I still haven't done my taxes, I'm so lazy.
• This project is boring, it's taking so long why did I even start it.
• I hate my boss, I wish I could find a better job.
• I don't have enough money, I have to get another job so my kids don't suffer.
• I know something's wrong, just can't put my finger on it, but I feel it.

And on and on and on it goes. Never stopping. Never ending.

PERSONAL ACHIEVEMENTS

Are just that. They are yours and they are very difficult to share. And even when they can be shared you may notice that they mean very little to the people that you are sharing them with. You may think they're great, absolutely awesome and fabulous, but your audience may think otherwise. That may lead to a letdown.

But letdown's shouldn't stop you from sharing, and even if you don't get the response that you are looking for, at least you can bask in the achievement all by yourself. 

I'm a lifelong learner. I read voraciously, and I spend my time writing code. Not that I am selling software, there are much brighter and smarter people who can do better work, but I write code to understand and learn more. I ask myself, how does two-factor, or multi-factor authentication work? And then I write Python/Flask programs to see it in action. And I'm pleased with the work. And I revel in it. And I bask. And nobody knows.

But I do rush out to my Python blog and write about it, and that makes me happy. And recently, I've taken to YouTube to do more preaching. The viewers are low, the subscribers tiny, but it's more about the journey it took to prepare the product. It's like Les Brown once said, if you really want to speak and be a public speaker, but nobody will hire you or listen to you, then speak to your plants. If a tree falls in the forest does it make a sound? Ridiculous, but it symbolizes the ineffectiveness of unheard of opinions or thoughts. I don't like the term ineffective, because surely, there's an effect somewhere. It's almost like when in a debate, your opposition says something like, "well, I've never heard that." As though that was a point for it's non-existence.

I don't think people celebrate quietly enough. Alone. Personally. Introspectively. And smile inside. And congratulate self. And be self aware and self proud.

Of that, there should be much, much more of.

Broken

My hands were full, the door to the kitchen was closed, a door with one of those handles you turn, not a knob. You can use an elbow and lean down on it to open the door. I was carrying a mug and a small dish in one hand, the other hand had a water bottle with another cup held by my little finger. Tucked under my arm, my upper arm close to my armpit, was another water bottle. Hey, I like water.

What I should have done is walk a few steps to the dining table, put the stuff down, walk back open the door, and then safely move the items in a couple of trips into the kitchen. But I'd successfully done this move many times with even more stuff tucked under my other arm. I yanked the handle down, pushed the door with the arm holding the mug and small dish. The small dish happened to get dislodged from my arm as the handle snapped back up when the door swung open.

It fell. The kitchen floor is ceramic, the dish was ceramic. Ceramic on ceramic not a good combination. The height was probably about three feet and it landed nicely on it's edge. It didn't have a chance. Shattering into small pieces and scattering a mile wide. Into the kitchen and also back into the dining room from whence I came.

I don't know why but I was immediately embarrassed. I felt judged for being a klutz by my inner imaginary conscience. That guy who sits on your right shoulder and tells you to slow down when you're speeding. To calm down and breath when you want to lash out. Then immediately came the sadness, the pain of loss. Of having a lost a really good friend because you killed them.

I'd had that small dish for almost twenty years. I remember when it was given to me as a housewarming gift. We'd been together for a really long time and it had served me with sandwiches, fruit, cake and snacks. Faithfully doing it's job and asking for nothing in return. And there, because I was so busy, I dropped it and it was now no more.

BROKEN

When things break, physically, or emotionally, the feeling is a sinking hollowness in the chest, at least for me. Some peopled possibly feel it in the stomach. It's a pressure-like feeling. Like something is pressing you down. And your head has this emptiness. You may even cry and though tears may not come out, there's a wetness around the eyes for the loss. You're never elated because you can always toss out things that you didn't like. But when you break something accidentally, you feel sad.

It similar to when someone close to you lies to you, or even worse, rips you off. A sense of lack of trust feels breaks you and you feel pressure and emptiness at the same time.

THE FIX

And so you tell yourself that next time you will only hold one or two things and do things carefully. You won't speed so that the cops don't stop you. You will not be so trusting so that you aren't hurt. You'll move in slow motion, like you're moving in thick oil, and be very careful as to not make any more mistakes in life. And this may work for a few hours, but you soon forget. That's the one good thing with our animal brain. Like good feelings also fade away, bad feelings also in time just disappear.

The Stoics know this and having a stoic frame of mind is an excellent way to live. Knowing and anticipating that breakage is a part of life and so when it comes, while the sinking feeling may still be there, at least now you can curiously observe the breakage with curiosity, and ask yourself, "so where have you been my friend?" "It's been a week since we last met, how've you been?" "Why did you choose to let me back into that raised curb and damage the car bumper?" "Now you've really cost me money that I was intending to spend on pleasure." "Oh well, till next time, just do something simpler." "And hey, leave my phone and computer alone."

That conversation trivializes the event, makes it look commonplace and even though unexpected, inevitable.

IT'S IN THE MIND

As with everything you've read, mental breakage is in the mind. While the loss is physical, your brain works against you to punish you for what you just did. It goes as far as telling you that you're a bad person, careless, not thoughtful, inconsiderate and stupid. You should have known, it says. It doesn't matter if what you broke was yours. If it was someone else's stuff, then you brain will really punish you. But when someone else breaks your stuff, you may even get angry. Angry at them for not being careful or considerate for your stuff. Thinking about this may make you a little bit more considerate towards people who break things. Because I'm sure you've broken and disappointed other people, not more than once. Perhaps you didn't know it, but trust me, you have.

Your brain is there to observe, file and categorize. I don't know who gave it the job of also making critical judgement and it appears that the critical judgement is aimed at reviewing what happened, so that it does not happen again. The trick is that you're only supposed to make mistakes once in life. Once you've made the mistake, you should not repeat it. You should have learned your lesson. 

But you keep breaking stuff, and the feeling of being careless and stupid comes back. Repeatedly, even stronger with each repetition. You can't help feeling bad when someone you know dies. It's natural for that feeling to come and with time it too dissipates. It goes away. That one does take a longer time irrespective of the circumstances. Natural death easier to take than accidental.

THE THING TO REMEMBER

Is that the broken events make up about 2 percent (made up statistic) of your total experience. The other 98 percent is OK, or even delightful. And when the 2 percent happens, we dwell on it as though it was 100 percent. And when it fades into the distance, we don't realize that we've been living in the 98 percent for much longer than the 2 percent. The 2 percent is like a visit from a parent, stressful, but it passes.

Dwell and live in the 98 percent, enjoying every moment of it. Knowing that the 2 percent is just around the corner. And so when it shows up, you can ask it, "hey, my friend, long time no see." "Glad to have you back, can I get you something to drink and we catch up?" "Remember last week, I spilled juice on the couch, ouch! that was two days of cleaning, and that couch will never be the same." "What was that?" "Oh no, I still drink juice on the couch." "Ok then, till next time, see you later."

And that's that.

Pushing past pain

The Wall in the marathon is that place where your body breaks down, your legs turn to jelly and your body shuts down. Some people will stop, hoping to regain some energy and continue, while others push right through the wall, slowly agonizingly, and in many cases break through.

Learning happens at that edge along the Wall.

In fitness training, your muscles grow and respond to the training when they are stressed and in discomfort. They are uncomfortable. So the best training is to reach that point of discomfort continually with each exercise regimen. And what you'll find is that the point of discomfort begins to move away from you. It will begin to take longer to get uncomfortable.

I've run many marathons and I've hit the wall in some of them. I clearly hit the wall in the very first one I ran though I didn't know what was happening at that time, and I learned to deal with the experience. It would take a lot more to hit the wall after that.

But I have learned that anything worth experiencing has its own Wall. But not all the time. However, its when you're on that edge of the Wall that determines real growth.

It's easy to perform when you're feeling your greatest. It's much more difficult to move forward when you feel tired, agitated, depressed, grumpy and confused. That's the real-life Wall. During those times, if you can actually move forward, then real learning happens.

There are many times I don't feel like working. And I sit and stare at my computer screen and sometimes convince myself that I should watch YouTube for a few minutes, till I feel better.

Or wait till the Muse appears before I type a single sentence. After all, writing when uninspired will probably lead to uninspiring work. That's what I tell myself, and it's very convincing. A couple of hours later, I'm glued to YouTube watching series after series of Air Crash Disaster, wondering where the time went.

GETTING STARTED

In many cases, getting started may be difficult. There are too many things waiting to be done, and all of them are calling for attention. They all seem equally important, and all of them want you to pay attention to them. So you sit and pay attention to none of them.

But if you got started on one of them, you'd feel better about getting on the road. At least I do. Just picking at something boring you right out of your skull, and working slowly, but persistently, watching and feeling and thinking to yourself that you'd rather be somewhere else, but still persisting.

Writing but still waiting for the Muse to appear.

Taking that exercise walk, but wishing you were somewhere else.

Documenting that code in that software application you've been writing, waiting for inspiration to come, but still doing something useful.

Collecting your tax papers together, and starting to fill them in, while wondering and being confused as to whether you have everything you need, or if something is missing - but moving ahead anyway.

MOTIVATION

George Carlin once joked about motivation, motivational books I think. If you were motivated enough to get out of bed and get to the store and buy the book then you're already motivated, so leave the book alone and go about your business. Or something like that.

I don't know what motivation is, but routine trumps motivation. A routine is like working in an assembly line. You don't have to be motivated since the work is repetitive and routine and involved very little of your creative, defensive self. Writing a book could be considered assembly line work. So could being a great chef, or a mechanic. Or any task for that matter. Even in science, poking into the depths of the unknown, stumbling in the dark, looking for that which you know not what it is can be trying. So you make it routine and follow it.

Sooner or later, you break through the Wall.

And you don't realize that you are actually being productive. And inspiration has nothing to do with it. Confucius said, It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. And Samuel Jackson is quoted to have said, Great works are performed, not by strength, but by perseverance.

THE TRICK IS TO KEEP GOING

The trick is to keep on moving even when everything inside you is telling you to stop. This is incredibly difficult to do when you can look around you and think of a million other things that your attention can be drawn to. In the marathon, simply the reprieve you get from stopping and breathing calmly gnaws at you and many people do actually stop, and many cannot get the engines going again.

But when you're working on a project and you reach the wall, and you look outside and see the blue sky, or you think of a cheeseburger, or a stake, or sitting on your couch doing nothing, it's difficult not to resist all these activities, better than what you're doing right now, all competing for your attention.

The trick is really, very simply, to keep moving on, slowly, trudging. So, not by strength, but by perseverance.

As I sit here writing this, my motorcycle is in the garage calling me. Telling me that in an hour or two, it will be raining, or dark, or rush hour traffic will be on the roads, so this is the best time to go outside and have a ride. This writing can wait till later, but the writing cannot.

So I'm slogging through it, since I have a point to make, and the point is being made while it's actually happening. 4pm on a Monday after a tough day after the weekend, and this topic seemed to be calling me to write it. Asking me to do what I say should be done, instead of going out for a bike ride.

PUSHING PAST THE WALL

While you are inside the wall, the conflict between what needs to be done and what you want to do are constantly at battle. In many cases, the want wins, and the need suffers.

Complexity

 A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step
                                       - Lao Tzu

 

That obsessively quoted phrase from one of history's most insightful teachers says it all. A single step becomes two steps then three and then steps, which then turn into a mile and two miles and three miles, which then turn into a hundred miles and so on.

I wonder what Michelangelo was thinking on facing a blank canvas, or a block of marble. Where to place that first chisel, or brushstroke. Or what Stephen King was thinking as he sat down to write the very first word. How on earth do we get to three hundred pages?

TIME

Time is an ingredient in any, and every, thing we do. While thinking is OK, doing is better. Leonardo Da Vinci is quoted as having said, I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do. Often, however, the challenge of the blank page and the overwhelming complexity causes inaction. 

And part of this is because we are unable to see clearly the finished product, the end. Even if we write it down, it's still foggy until we start working on it. And then we run into trouble very quickly. Not because we did not plan, but inevitably because we cannot plan every detail.

ANALYSIS PARALYSIS

Sometimes it's easier to not do anything than start because of the overwhelming complexity staring at us. Some of the fear due to lack of knowledge, the fear that I will fail, or I will break it, or I won't get to the finish line - even if I don't know where this finish line is.

Analysis paralysis is like the deer caught in the headlights. It knows it must move, but it's blinded with fear. And sometimes it's lucky, many times not.

THREE STEPS FORWARDS, TWO STEPS BACK

Most things proceed this way. You start something, and realize that it's going in the wrong direction, so you backtrack. And you then move tentatively forward again. And by moving forwards and backwards, you soon get a sense of accomplishment. It's a good feeling that you're still not standing at the start. You've taken ten steps, but you've only moved two steps forward. But this is certainly better than being stuck at the start, thinking of the way to get to the tenth step, by taking only ten steps. At this rate, we will need to take thirty steps, just to get to ten!

FIRST PRINCIPLES

I remember my math teacher teaching us to start solving problems from first principles. We understand the problem, we need to come up with a method to solve the problem, but we keep going back to the solution. Forget the solution, think of the roadmap. The tried and tested methodology that mathematicians use to take huge problems and using a few tools build complex worlds. It's true that you can build a two storey cabin with just a saw, hammer and nails. Not even electric ones. And in that case, it might help to have a plan so that you don't have to pull down entire walls because you forgot that you needed thicker ones to support the second floor.

If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.
                        -- Isaac Newton

As a species we've come a long way. And we did this step by step, building on the successes of the past, and also learning from its mistakes.

BUILDING

It's not enough to look at the brick in one's hands and not do anything with it. You must lay it down and look for another brick to place on it. And continue to do this to build up the wall. Even the toughest rocks cannot stand the constant weathering of the elements. It's agreed that the Grand Canyon was partially as a result of the flow of the Colorado river cutting through the rock over 35 million years. That's a really long project.

The pyramids in Egypt are truly majestic works of construction. They took about 20,000 laborers about 20 years to build one. In this case, the complexity was one of getting the huge slabs of rock up to build each layer. I tend to think that as each ruler built their pyramid, probably starting with pyramids that were very small, they learned to become bigger and grander. Each successive ruler standing on the shoulder of the one that came before.

MANAGING COMPLEXITY

Taking small steps, and creating building blocks that can be managed in the mind. It's far easier to think of a single item, like a brick, than a complex structure like a hospital, or an airport. So too, writing a sentence is manageable, but thinking of the novel may be daunting.

Everything takes time. And while thinking time is important, it's not as important as doing time. It's the doing time that makes the structure, the book, the speech, the software, the dress, the food. And while the thinking time may make the product somewhat better, there's a fine line between planning and procrastination. Incidentally they look uncannily similar when viewed from the outside.

Knowing is not enough; we must apply - said Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.

Nike's Just Do It slogan is a densely philosophical statement packed with a lot of wisdom. It defines the line where you stop thinking and simply Go For It. With fear and trepidation that you may have to turn back, but more likely that you'll end up somewhere else where you can move even further forward.

Complexity is managed by focusing on the immediate thing that you can wrap your mind around, with the confidence that the rest will take care of itself. The confidence that it will all work out in the end, and the brick will disappear in the grandeur of the building.

Organized Chaos

I was listening to a podcast by Seth Godin on Spotify, a series he named Akimbo, which I find very interesting. In one of the series, he talks about writer's block. He says there's no such thing.

I listened to that one twice.

And then in another one, titled Hitsville, he talks about people who have made a hit (whether it's in the arts, or business or anything) and that the hit was a surprise. That after the fact, you can look back with analysis and claim that you _knew_ or _understood_ the process, but you really didn't.

And the proof that you really didn't is in it's un-repeatability. You can't automatically do it again.

Preparation and Research

It begs the question of why not just jump into it and do it, without direction or hesitation. Organized chaos. Thinking and planning get in the way. Analysis paralysis. And at the end of the day, all that thinking may marginally improve the outcome, or even more likely, deaden it. Dull it. Make it uninteresting and boring.

Procrastination

Was invented by someone who felt guilty sitting doing absolutely nothing and then looking back and seeing that time had just passed by. This is why people look at old photographs and remember a time when they were really productive, doing so much stuff in eight hours. Now barely remembering a few months ago. The past few years have gone by really fast and I feel time moving even faster, like being caught in an undertow, or the centrifugal force of being sucked down a drain, though this one is in a huge ocean. You cannot get out, but you need to keep moving. If you need to remember what happened yesterday, you should look at photographs, which means you need to take very many photos, or you won't remember a thing.

I heard it stated very well in Lee Child's first Jack Reacher book, Killing Field. That memory is like a bucket which when you are old it's filled up. So that you will remember everything in the bucket, stuff that happened years ago, but you cannot put anything new into the bucket.

The Myth of Planning

And so planning is a myth. It was Sam Harris who gave a really good talk on Free Will. Or rather the fact that free will does not exist. You cannot think of something before you think it, so where does it come from? If you cannot think of something, before you think it, then where is the free will to think of what you need to think of?

Things just appear in your mind, and so your only option is to observe them and then allow your mind to think of them - and you don't know what you will decide or how you will think since you cannot pre-think anything. It's quite complex, but it made a lot of sense to me. An aha moment. And it answers the question about planning, that it's impossible to really plan ahead. You just have to sit down and allow the activity to take place. You cannot predetermine the outcome.

You cannot predetermine the outcome.

Hence the notion of organized chaos. You can tell yourself that today I will sit and finish these tasks that I have put aside and not done. That's the plan. And then write down in your diary, scheduled time slots in the day when these activities will take place. And then attempt to sit and do them. And perhaps they are well defined, so you know the outcome. An brilliantly written letter. A grocery list completed. An interview with a candidate for a position in your company all done. The lawn mowed and raked. And this blog post all done. The list can be worked through, but it's the process that cannot be determined. I did not think that these words would be the words that I would be thinking and writing, and it's only now as I write them that I see that they make sense. I did not order the writing, it happened and as I worked through it, I wondered if I would get to the conclusion of the organized chaos that I was thinking of writing about. It was an idea, but there was little to determine the content.

In conclusion

Planning is necessary to list the things that you need to do. However, over planning can lead to paralysis, and you just have to dive in. When I started this blog years ago, the idea was to write something interesting, and in trying to write interesting work, the necessity of writing boring work was unacceptable. But it's part of the process of getting something interesting done. The boring pieces must happen. And waiting for the muse to show up, with their intelligent suggestions may mean that you never get that plane off the ground, fearing failure.

Just take off already.