Three Rules for Everything

A blank sheet of paper.

I'm not sure what I'm doing in front of this blank sheet of paper. Only that sometime this afternoon, in a moment of absolute clarity, I had a thought. Not just any thought. A profound thought.

But I didn't write it down. I expanded it in my mind, being mindful in the moment. Making it real at that time and not postponing it, but writing it.

And now, I cannot remember what it really was. Only that it's led me to this blank sheet of paper, wondering what it was that was so wonderful, so encouraging to make me want to sit silently and think about what was going on in my mind.

The thought was about me. But not only about me. About my relationship with people. About the time and place that I'm in right now. About the fact that I was worrying about my motorcycle classes and how the last teacher made it so difficult. That it wasn't the "piece of cake" I thought it would be.

But I wasn't obsessed over that. I resolved that it didn't matter, and not just resolved it mentally. But actually got to roll it over and over in my mind till I was at peace with it. Knowing that eventually, at some point, not tomorrow, or even the next day, I would ultimately succeed. And life would continue.

And yes, there was that thought of life continuing.

What was it?

Today was a funny sort of day. A really strange day. Yesterday, we woke up to a disaster. One of our tenants had a hot water tank explode (not literally) in their attic. Hot water through the weak drywall ceiling, onto the floor and down the stairs. Ruining everything.

And the panic ensued. Janet rushed out to help with the cleanup. The staff got busy getting the plumber and the water people on the site to clean things up and get the repairs done.

And I worried about how many times this was happening. If it's not one thing, then it's another. These houses were built by people seemingly without a passion for construction. For the art of building something practical that would last a lifetime. Not just hacking things together, but taking the time, and care, to put together something lasting.

This is the fourth tank to fail in the attic space, and it won't be the last. It's not the first plumbing problem, and neither will it be the last. The homes I manage are not that well built, and it's making me sad.

It's not that I thought that the builders would build fantastic homes and then I would have nothing to do but advertise for good tenants, and then go on to other projects. Actually, I did. But here I spend my time paying electricians to come and fix the problems that they, themselves, have created.

That was yesterday. Today, yet another day of reflection, while the repairs were going on next door. I sat and, in the super cold day of early September in Nairobi, wondered what was going on. Inside my head, and around me. There are some projects that I started, but never got around to finishing them. There are ideas that I have, to do some marketing and then more. But they never got off the ground. Companies that I have registered, which have done absolutely nothing. And employees that I inherited, that are not the professionals that I wish them to be.

My dad, the superman, did everything to build this up. And even he would be a little shocked at the level of workmanship he was left with. But having grown up in Kenya, he's not surprised at all that stuff breaks. And that things fail. Electricity fails and there's no power for days, and that's OK. Public utility companies fail to provide water or other essential services, and that's OK. People who know less than anything about critical items in a home, are allowed to come and break down walls, hack floors, install windows, fix plumbing, repair gas and electric lines, with tools that look like they could have come from the fifteenth century.

This is not the first world, but I cannot help but think that we don't have to think in a third world manner to live in it. We need to expect more to get more. But that starts with expecting more from ourselves. And making ourselves accountable for the actions, not only of others, but of ourselves as well.

I have tried to tackle many things all at once, and failed at completing any of them. Perhaps it would have been better to tackle only one thing at a time.

https://medium.com/personal-growth/the-7-cardinal-rules-of-life-ba9f5458d3c9

And so here we are.

I'm 55 years old. And I love to read. I write somewhat, and I know that I'm a perfectionist, in some things, not all.

My rant above, about builders is typical of the standards I would like to hold others to. But then, if I did, I'd end up doing all the work, supervising it in a "micromanagement" like way. Or firing everyone.

And I cannot do everything myself, so I must let go of some stuff. Not everything, but some. So that it can get me to this point, where I sit down and accomplish something to the end. Not just think about it in my head and chastise those who are doing it. But complete it.

I used to be like this in university, where I would work all night on a project, determined and focussed. Not taking advise from anyone. But that was school and you were supposed to not listen to anyone except the voice in your head. And in life, I have run into people. And people must be listened to, and if you don't listen to them, you run the risk of not learning new things (because people can teach you stuff you don't know). You run the risk of missed opportunities. Or run the risk of being hated.

And so today's lessons, which I have forgotten in detail, but which are the ones that are making me write all of this down, tell me that I don't have the formula completely incorrect. That most of what I'm doing is purposeful.

And that we can distill the following three (in honor of Toastmasters) rules:

1. It's OK to sit quietly and do nothing and think.
2. Be yourself, without compromise, hold high your own ideals, and behave and act like you.
3. Just do it, and get it done. With care, as though you had all the time in the world.

The link I shared above had seven cardinal rules to live by. While that list is very specific, and it's a really good list, I think it can fit inside my much shorter one. One that you can mediate on each day, every hour of your life. Simply because lists are very difficult to remember. I really think rule #2 above is the best one, and as you get older, you'll see how unavoidable that rule is. Being someone else is work, a lot of work. Living up to someone else's expectations is horribly difficult. Always watching yourself, or trying to figure yourself by trying to step into someone else's shoes is next to impossible and leads to missed opportunities. 

Of Niklas Goke's seven cardinal rules, his #1 and #2 belong to my #2 item. Niklas Goke's rules are about letting go of the past, and allowing time to heal all. Your past is an intrinsic part of who you are, whether it's a past fraught with challenges, misery, misfortune or even inflicted evil. While you may not be who you were back then, I would insist that that person, the person you were back then, made you who you are today. And moving on simply means that you accept that this is where you are now. Whether you like it or not.

Niklas' rules #3 and #4 looks like my rule #2. In fact, they fit much better into that rule. Whether you like it or not, others have an image of you inside their minds, which is how they perceive you. They cannot explain that, just as you cannot explain that image and story you have in your mind about them, or your other friend. It's who they think you are. And I agree with Niklas that it makes no sense trying to coerce a different image, whether by logic or altering your behaviour. 

Niklas' rule #5 fits inside my rule #3. Read it, you'll see why.

And finally, Niklas' rules #6 and #7 are really not rules at all, but advice. They're not telling you what to do, but how to feel. He could have safely wrapped these inside #3, but they're OK to be there. This may have been what I was thinking when I thought of myself, and when I wrote down my rule #1. That it's OK to just be OK, and not burden yourself. Differently from inaction and #3, but in the sense of just sitting quietly. While Niklas tells you to smile and that you are in charge of your happiness, I was thinking of expressing the notion of just being. Existing for the sake of existing.

It should have been obvious.

Writing lists and rules for life is tragically normal and human. We want to have purpose and feel good and contribute. Some of us write so that we can make money. Others feel that they have something to say. This is why we see things and name them. Because we like to wrap things into words. 

Or draw them carefully while we examine them. To study them.

I'm not a writer. I'm not an artist. I am a builder. But not of buildings, or structures. Of spaces and experiences. And it is my hope, to live my life uniquely as me. And not as someone else would live it. With all the fears and pains of the DNA that is uniquely mine. And those fears and experiences will touch some people positively. And undoubtedly, some people will be affected by me negatively. While I won't go out of my way to aggressively take my stance, no matter what people say. After all, we live in civil society. I won't hesitate to do and act based on my knowledge and experience, that which maximizes my positive experience, without jeopardizing the happiness of others. As they too have a right to maximize their happiness, as long as it not at my expense.

The three rules should have been very obvious. And I think that they can be practised no matter what a person's vocation is. No matter the status, or standing in life is. Because I think that the greatest achievement is to find joy within yourself, and not drawn from others. Because if you can find that joy, and bask in it, it is a source that will never be drained. And a source that you can always tap into.