... the voice mail of Jehovah G at Heaven Inc. on Sunday February 4. Our offices are closed for the day. Our normal business hours are 9 to 5, Monday to Saturday. I am sorry that I am unable to answer your prayer at this time but please leave a message as your call is important to us. Please note however, that due to higher than normal prayer volumes, it may take a lifetime to respond to your need. To listen to our automated frequently asked questions, please press one. To listen to ....
You pressed one.
Thank you for calling Heaven Inc.
Your life manual can be downloaded from https://www.heaven-inc.org/bible.html.
Watch out for the revamped version of the Torah now in it's fifth revision and staring Jehovah G like you've never seen him before updated for the twenty-first century. A must read.
If you are unable to attend Sunday services, you can always catch archived versions of your favourite stories online or pray during regular business hours, press 8954350123-090 and follow the prompts.
For specific complaints about your life, pray to our helpline. To help us serve you better, be very specific about your particular problem and have your warranty on hand.
Our offices are normally open on holidays except where those holidays fall on a Sunday. In addition, our CEO Jehovah G. closes the office to celebrate JC's birthday on December 25th no matter which day it falls on.
Finally, watch out for imitation deities. Your religion can only be purchased directly from Heaven Inc. We do not supply faith or answer prayers through third-party organisations. Therefore if you purchased your keys to eternal life from eBay or Amazon, consider it lost money.
Peace.
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