A case for eradicating the letter "Z"

In a move to simplify spelling tests for kids in school, as well as merge common sounds to use the same letter (at some point we'll discuss phasing out the letter "g" in favour of combinations of "c"), the management board of Common Sense Inc. has decided finally to eradicate the use of the letter "z." In an astounding vote that previously ended in a deadlock, rationality has won out. In making a statement to the press right after the forty-eight hour debate, the public relations arm of Common Sense Inc. said that "this was a giant leap for mankind." Mr. Chord then went on to admit that in the end it took a physical fight to resolve the deadlock. With the ten person panel hopelessly deadlocked it didn't look like there would be any progress. According to the charter of Common Sense Inc. a solution must be reached, either positive or negative, to any internal debate. In this case, a five-to-five deadlock was simply unacceptable and so they would need to continue discussing it. After twenty four hours of debate, mostly it was the idiot from the press team who did most of the talking, the board room door was locked and they were denied water and food. This was a a standard decision making tactic used successfully in the past by Common Sense Inc's management. Introduced by the founding president, Charles It's-my-way-or-the-highway Rocco, the original technique involved a preparatory cleansing period. In that twelve-hour period, prior to any team meeting, staff members who were known to be in disagreement with Rocco would be locked away in the janitor's closet and made to breathe in the fumes from cleansing liquids. They were denied water and a stool to sit on.

Mr. Chord explained to the anxious team waiting for the results that in the end, Jack Azz, obviously among those in disagreement, was standing quietly when all of a sudden Ad Digit from Accounting dove at him in what appeared to be a rugby style tackle. On the ground Ad was able to place two well timed punches on Jack's ribs before the other members of the panel pulled him off. Even as Jack was getting painfully up from the floor, Ad was taunting him by shaking his ass and mouthing the same word too. It took a few minutes to calm the room down but after that had been accomplished, another scuffle began. This time it was between Barry, an avid historian who was defending the word "zero" and Meg, the receptionist whose view of life was mostly learned from watching television. The argument wasn't going anywhere but Barry was definitely getting irritated to the point where he looked like he was going to blow a vein. A huge vessel in his temple was pulsating and he was slowly turning purple.

No one really noticed that Bob had gotten up from his seat around the table and was pacing along the window. Occasionally he'd look outside, but mostly the chaos in room didn't disturb him. One by one they stopped what they were doing to observe Bob. Finally Bob turned to face them, slipped his hand into his right pocket and revealed what looked like the handle of a gun. He took a look around the room, shook his head, put the thing back and continued his pacing. After a few minutes, he quietly declared to the room, "I think that this would come to a quick conclusion if there were only an odd number of us in the room." More silence. "I vote to eliminate z, who's with me." All hands shot up.

Victory. It's quite amazing that even the most perplexing, or seemingly perplexing, issues can be handled with quiet, poise and careful thinking. In this case, Bob clearly displayed his management potential, even though he was just the mail room clerk.